Getting to the Root

“He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him.” Proverbs 18:13

One of the challenges we have in the Christian life is learning to wait for the Spirit’s discernment and guidance before speaking and/or acting. It is a lifelong journey, but fortunately, we can grow in this regard day by day. Conflict seems to bring out the worst in all of us. Have you ever found yourself thinking of what you were going to say next in a disagreement instead of carefully listening to the other person? If I only had a nickel for every time that person was me!

Presenting Issues and Root Causes

The Proverb above is an excellent place to start. If we don’t listen deeply to those we disagree with, how can we even begin to truly hear and understand well enough to answer in a truly helpful way? Often, the root cause of a disagreement is quite different from the presenting issue(s). One wise man put it this way: “If the time has not been spent to analyze what a conflict is truly about, then negotiation may be rushed and counterproductive, serving to exacerbate and deepen hostilities.”*

Discovering the root cause of a conflict may not be as hard as it sounds if we know where to look, which is a subject for next time.

*(Rothman, J. (1997). Resolving Identity Based Conflict in Nations, Organizations and Communities. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, p. 13.)