Special Edition: Dinner Table Challenges
“Jesus said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. ‘This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:37-40
I wonder if there has ever been a more challenging time in interpersonal relationships than now. While true in our daily lives, the impact on family members seems critically painful (especially when it comes to politics!). And, dare I say, this is equally true between our spiritual brothers and sisters in the church. The verses above remind us of the priority Jesus places on relationships (see also: 1 Corinthians 10:31-11:1; James 3:18; Romans 12:18).
Four Tactics
Try these approaches so that you don’t have to dread difficult dinner conversations during the holidays:
See this time as a divine opportunity for relationship building, even if we have family members with strong differences of opinion. God will redeem these circumstances if we let Him. (Romans 8:28)
Know that God cares about our relationships. Privately and prayerfully acknowledge before God that He considers our relationships much more valuable than any differences we may hold on challenging topics. Topics like politics, religion, parenting, careers, and old family wounds.
Remember how important listening is to any conversation. Listening and asking honest, constructive questions (while resisting countering on points we disagree with) can lower defensiveness and build bridges to future conversations and interactions. The more we listen and show curiosity, the more we learn to both love that person and understand the disagreement more deeply. Asking gentle and appropriate questions rather than making statements can disarm most conflict, especially if they lead to biblical principles.
When it is our turn to speak, gentleness and kindness are crucial in our responses. “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). It may be more important to strengthen relationships than to score points.
If our kindness and honest questions open the door for more healthy conversations in the future, perhaps families can be strengthened and the foundations laid for future conversations, especially for the Gospel with our unsaved family and friends.
I pray these suggestions for more peaceful holiday discussions will be helpful for you and yours.