When Conflict Gets Interpersonal
“Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.” Matthew 18:15
We’ve previously looked at intrapersonal conflict, conflict originating from inside one or more people. We now turn our attention to interpersonal conflict, which we are all likely familiar with! Interpersonal conflict is simply conflict that occurs on a personal level between two (or sometimes more) people. In some ways, it is the most important conflict to resolve for three reasons:
Its outcomes impact individual relationships and the matter of forgiveness between individuals and from God.
It is the most frequent presenting issue but the least frequent root cause of conflict.
It is the key starting place to find deeper root causes in the underlying levels of most conflicts.
In my experience, interpersonal conflicts, though the most visible, are not commonly at the root of most disagreements. Rather, they are a result of root causes found in one of the other <four levels of conflict>. Knowing that, let’s focus on when there are no underlying contributing factors, simply the disagreement(s) between two or more individuals.
Interpersonal-level Intervention (Step 1)
The verse above from Matthew 18 is critical to finding resolution, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Notice that Scripture instructs us to deal first in a one-on-one, confidential manner with the person or persons we are in conflict with. It seems clear that God does not want us to get others involved until this first step is completed, and only when we are unable to find resolution. Talking negatively to others about someone who is not present is gossip, and gossip is sin. Be vigilant as we live in a culture in which this is abused on many levels and forums (conversation, social media, etc.).