When Conflicts Becomes a Group Problem (Part One)
"Then a dispute arose among them as to which of them would be greatest." Luke 9:46
Conflict is messy enough when it is between two or three people, but the stakes feel higher when it involves an entire team, board, class, small group, or family. Do the same principles apply? Let’s begin addressing how to resolve conflicts at the intra-group level. Even the disciples, those nearest to Jesus while he walked the earth, had conflict in this category! Yes, the principles are the same as interpersonal conflict, but the methods are adjusted and can be applied to family groups, ministry teams, and work groups.
How Big and Who?
Accurately identify the scope of the conflict to confirm it only involves one group. If the conflict is between groups, we will be discussing that in the future. Next, identify the right person (or persons) to facilitate the intervention. This facilitator needs to be respected and approved by the whole group. Further, the facilitator(s) need to be skilled in helping groups in conflict. Some people are naturally gifted in helping to resolve conflicts, but it usually requires some training. Let's walk through the process.
The Group Facilitated Problem-Solving Process
After an appropriate prayer time, congratulate the group for their willingness to get outside help.
Direct the group members to agree on ground rules or guidelines to keep the discussion civil and constructive (i.e., “refrain from interrupting,” “show mutual respect,” etc.). In my experience, allowing the parties to choose these guidelines is more conducive to cooperation than having the facilitator choose the ground rules for them. It is OK to have the facilitator help if the group requests it.
Next, create an opportunity for each party to “tell their story” without interruption. A helpful way to sidestep interruption is to provide each person in the group with a pen and paper and encourage them to write their thoughts down when they are tempted to interrupt, assuring them that they will have an opportunity to voice their concerns once the other person finishes telling their story. If the group is too large for this step, it can be divided into smaller subgroups that can choose a leader to represent them in the next steps.
After the facilitator has carefully heard and noted the concerns of all parties, an opportunity can be provided to have the parties collaborate, with guidance from the facilitator, in identifying the main points of disagreement and looking for healthy solutions acceptable to all.