When Conflict Gets Interpersonal (Part Three)

And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. Matthew 18:17

Not all conflict is sinful or even unhealthy, but when it is, Matthew 18 becomes essential to spiritual and church obedience. We have touched on the two interpersonal approaches leading up to Matthew 18:17 previously. The first being private negotiation (v. 15) and the second being semi-private mediation (v. 16). Only then do we come to public arbitration (v. 17). The goal of all three approaches is to bring the sinning church member to repentance and restoration.

Bringing it Public

The reason for making the third approach public is to call the errant church member to repentance and reconciliation as a congregation. Although challenging, this should be done in a loving, caring manner. Those who are in closest relationship to this person can be the most helpful in leading this process and frame it in an environment of concern and helpfulness. If there is success, the brother or sister has been restored. If not, Matthew 18 prescribes the next step.

Separation with Hope

The fourth approach is to put the sinning church member out of the fellowship and to no longer allow that person the benefits of church attendance or the opportunity to further damage the church. Although this may seem harsh, it is not optional (1 Corinthians 5:1-6; 2 Thessalonians 3:6). Ostracizing and isolating an unrepentant person from the church is not meant to punish but rather is designed to convict and bring repentance and restoration (2 Corinthians 2:5-8; 2 Thessalonians 3:15). The opportunity to restore continues outside the church by church members who have been in close relationship with the sinning member, thereby demonstrating the love of Christ. These efforts should continue until there is repentance and reconciliation or as long as the erring member is alive.

It is wise to clarify in detail the church discipline process, rooted in biblical instruction, in church governing documents. Failure to do so can expose the church to tremendous legal liability. Once created and documented, the most important discipline (that of following these church policies) begins.