When Conflict Becomes a Group Problem (Part Four)
“Then it pleased the apostles and elders, with the whole church, to send chosen men of their own company to Antioch with Paul and Barnabas, namely, Judas who was also named Barsabas, and Silas, leading men among the brethren. They wrote this letter by them: The apostles, the elders, and the brethren, To the brethren who are of the Gentiles in Antioch, Syria, and Cilicia…So when they were sent off, they came to Antioch; and when they had gathered the multitude together, they delivered the letter. When they had read it, they rejoiced over its encouragement.” Acts 15:22-23, 30-32
The dispute we read about last month in Acts 15 started out as “no small dissension and dispute (vs.2)” with huge spiritual issues at stake [Grace vs. Law]. And it ended with the churches reporting that “they rejoiced over [the agreed-upon solution’s] encouragement (vs 31).”
Unfortunately, this is not the way many modern major church conflicts turn out. A primary reason is our tendency to jump over the biblical principles that were utilized in the early church, including careful listening and time-consuming collaboration.
Ingredients for Resolution
There are no shortcuts, so let’s focus on some ways to patiently help our brothers and sisters find godly, biblical resolutions:
Careful Listening – Encouraging and helping parties to fully hear what other people are saying is crucial when conducting a Facilitated Problem-Solving session with a group, When other people are talking, especially during disagreement, we can often think about what we plan to say next instead of listening deeply to understand. If we listen carefully, we may just find out that other people may have better ideas than we do! But even if that is not the case, feeling heard can lower the temperature in the room and help to deescalate the feelings that are obstructing healthy communication.
Effective Collaboration – Getting all the ideas on the table so that the best solutions can be found is essential. One way to picture this is to think of sitting on the same side of the table with the problem on the other side, with everyone working together instead of sitting on opposite sides of the table competing with each other. Beyond simply picturing in the mind’s eye, room setup can be important in helping people to think this way. Rearrange the room to rearrange the participants’ perceptions.
Skillful Facilitation – As the facilitator, guiding the process and helping along the way is key to achieving the biblical outcomes desired. It’s not rocket science, but certain skills are needed, along with a prayerful, godly approach. For a more detailed overview of these effective collaboration skills, see section three, especially chapter sixteen, in When Church Conflict Happens.